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October 17, 2022 12:58 pm
LIFE
The 6 common signs of a sociopath: ‘They can be harder to spot than a psychopath,’ says psychotherapist
Published Sun, Oct 16 202210:31 AM EDTUpdated Sun, Oct 16 202210:38 AM EDT
Boris Zhitkov | Getty
As a psychotherapist, I’ve spent much of my career studying interpersonal relationships and personality disorders — and even trained personnel in the U.S. military, the FBI and the CIA.
One topic I find the most interesting is sociopathy, which is a term used to describe antisocial personality disorder. Sociopaths can wreak havoc in your life, and they can be harder to spot than a psychopath.
Common signs of a sociopath
Psychopaths tend to be more manipulative and minimize risk in criminal activities. Sociopaths, on the other hand, are typically more erratic and rage-prone — and subsequently, more dangerous.
Here are some of the most common signs to look for:
1. They know right from wrong but couldn’t care less.
When it comes to delineating right and wrong, to the sociopath, what is right is simply what is in their own best interest. If it serves them well, they believe their actions are completely justified.
This means that sociopaths feel zero remorse, no matter who is hurt or harmed in the process, and they move with little anxiety because they live without fear of disconnection.
2. Their personality is crafted to engage and enchant in order to bond and manipulate.
Some sociopaths lack impulse control and suffer from a range of addictive and self-destructive behaviors and habits.
But the ones who are able to delay gratification and play the long game are the most harmful because they are meticulous and polished. They typically make an exceptionally good first impression and come across as warm, empathetic, and even altruistic.
3. They don’t always seem genuinely honest.
A sociopath has no real sense of self, so they struggle with maintaining the impression that they create and project to the world. They are already wearing a mask, and dishonesty is another mask on top of that.
This means that when they lie, they might sound like a caricature of an honest person rather than a genuinely honest person.
For example, a sociopath might sound like a broken record and use phrases that are absolutes (e.g., “I am 100% not guilty” or “I promise I never did that”) in an attempt to sell the truth.
4. They know how to get your blood boiling.
Sociopaths know how to push the right psychological buttons to gain control in a relationship. Once they’ve achieved a degree of compliance, they’ll seek to undermine their target’s emotional stability.
This is why they love to be unpredictable (most personality disorders have this in common). Sometimes their behavior — such as running hot and cold — is due to the particular disorder. Other times, it is purely tactical.
5. Their worst tendencies quickly surface when they feel they are losing control over you.
When a sociopath finds out that you are not “obedient,” they’ll move into attack mode.
Say goodbye to the veneer of civility. They’ll hurl every accusation at you and about you to anyone who will listen — friends, neighbors family members, co-workers.
6. They display false humility.
Another giveaway is false vulnerability. Sociopaths may show “great humility” by making themselves seen meek and unassuming.
The unskilled observer may believe that this is the sociopath unmasked. Yet it’s just another mask. Again, the tip-off is that they go overboard since they have a hard time calibrating their impression management.
Unmasking personality disorders is tricky
The indicators above may be helpful, but they are hardly definitive.
If, for whatever reason, you find yourself in a relationship with a sociopath, keep these tips in mind:
- Avoid disagreeing with them publicly. This may lead to humiliation, and any word or action that causes them to feel shamed cuts very deep and can trigger severe reactions.
- Don’t call them out for being a sociopath. Slowly work to disengage yourself from the relationship.
- Having a sociopath in your life can be very challenging and feel isolating, so consider seeing a therapist or joining a support group. Having someone to talk to can be very helpful.
We can’t always change someone’s behavior, but we find ways to set boundaries and cope.
At the end of the day, regardless of one’s personality or accompanying disorder, our emotional well-being is inextricably linked with the quality of our relationships.
David J. Lieberman is a psychotherapist and the author of ”Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are.” With years of research in human behavior and interpersonal relationships, David trained personnel in the U.S. military, the FBI, the CIA and the NSA.
October 17, 2022 2:51 pm
I remember being friends with a boy at summer camp as a kid who was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. He was actually going to therapy for his disorder and didn't seem to be that bad of a guy because he wasn't working through his issues like having a lack of impulse control. I've not kept in touch with him but I do hope he is doing well. I like to think that people are not their disorders, but how they react to them.
Topic starter
October 24, 2022 1:50 pm
I have not personally known anyone to my knowledge that is a sociopath. I do deal with passive aggressive people all the time. I have a nephew who also never takes responsibility for any wrongs he has done. Its always the other persons fault. It is very frustrating
October 29, 2022 10:11 pm
Ive also never had to deal with a sociopath. Ive delt with crazy people but nothing like a sociopath.
October 29, 2022 10:13 pm
@nicoleweberiectskin-com i agree you shouldnt judge anyone by their disorders but also how they react to them.
October 29, 2022 10:15 pm
@deborahwatersiectskin-com Kids who dont take responsibilty for their actions i think is based on how they were raised.
November 14, 2022 3:16 pm
My mom is a special education teacher, and used to teach kids with more severe disorders such as this one . So growing up I was taught the signs of certain disabilities and disorders as well as how to interact with them. My mom was sure to always remind me to be kind, anyone is liable to be born with these disorders and they did not ask to feel the way they do or to think the way they do. Now there are definitely some people such as a sociopath that will smile in your face and pretend as if they are and are liable to hurt you the next second, you handle these individuals with caution and keep them at a distance but unfortunately they can not help that they were born with these disorders. It might be crazy but I try to show compassion as much as possible, I am not excusing their behavior because it can really hurt other people and their families but I also would hate to live in a body where I am constantly battling right from wrong.
November 14, 2022 3:22 pm
@cameranriddleiectskin-com I definitely agree with this , parents should be playing an active role and teaching their children the importance of accountability. From a young age I would get in trouble at school or fights with kids in my neighborhood and my mom has personally walked me to my classroom or to another parents house for me to apologize and understand what I did. I thank her for that because I have stayed out of trouble since middle school and I try my best to move with pure intentions now as an adult, I also try to hold myself accountable now as an adult and I feel like I only acquired that trait because my mom did not play that with me as a child.
November 14, 2022 3:26 pm
It can be difficult to navigate a relationship or interaction with individuals diagnosed with these disorders, unfortunately it is as if you have to have your guard up all the time and stay aware of your surroundings more. I am not sure what anyone else believes in but I say a prayer for them and their families as I know it must be difficult to live their life and for those that love them to constantly keep one eye open.
May 9, 2023 4:48 pm
I have never had to deal with an actual sociopath but having to deal with someone that has similar traits can be so frustrating
May 9, 2023 4:49 pm
@deborahwatersiectskin-com one girl that I was friends with in high school was very passive aggressive and never took responsibility for her actions. She was so frustrating to be around I just eventually stopped talking to her.
May 9, 2023 4:54 pm
@michaelagrayiectskin-com I agree with this. It can be very hard to deal with someone with these disorders but at the same time they cannot help it. I could not imagine having to fight a constant battle with myself.
December 30, 2023 11:26 pm
@deborahwatersiectskin-com I agree, it is so frustrating that someone could act that way and not see the problem. It is even frustrating that they can't help it.
December 30, 2023 11:28 pm
I have known a sociopath, in middle school I was friends with her and she always made me seem bad in front of other people, especially guys. She would make sure to tell everyone that I was gaining weight and personal thing I was going through. It was very exhausting because I cared about her and she just used me to make herself look better.
December 30, 2023 11:29 pm
@michaelagrayiectskin-com So true, it is tiring having to have your guard up around these people because you feel like you should be able to trust them.
January 5, 2024 4:07 pm
It's hard to deal with a sociopath but not impossible. The sad part is that most sociopath don't know they are sociopaths. In general when we suspect a person may be exhibiting sociopathic behaviors we need to set boundaries and stick to them. unfortunately, some family members are sociopaths and we feel wrong setting boundaries but it's necessary because they know how to exploit other's vulnerabilities.
January 5, 2024 4:10 pm
@karyssamarleriectskin-com You did the right thing cutting her off and safeguarding your personal and emotional well-being. Some people tend to become threatening at some point when they don't get the reaction they expect out of you for simple things.
January 5, 2024 4:12 pm
@madisonmauldiniectskin-com True, sometimes they cannot help it, that's why it's important for those around them who feel comfortable enough to recommend that they seek mental health support from a professional.
