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The 6 common signs of a sociopath: ‘They can be harder to spot than a psychopath,’ says psychotherapist

As a psychotherapist, I’ve spent much of my career studying interpersonal relationships and personality disorders — and even trained personnel in the U.S. military, the FBI and the CIA.
One topic I find the most interesting is sociopathy, which is a term used to describe antisocial personality disorder. Sociopaths can wreak havoc in your life, and they can be harder to spot than a psychopath.
Common signs of a sociopath
Psychopaths tend to be more manipulative and minimize risk in criminal activities. Sociopaths, on the other hand, are typically more erratic and rage-prone — and subsequently, more dangerous.
Here are some of the most common signs to look for:
1. They know right from wrong but couldn’t care less.
When it comes to delineating right and wrong, to the sociopath, what is right is simply what is in their own best interest. If it serves them well, they believe their actions are completely justified.
This means that sociopaths feel zero remorse, no matter who is hurt or harmed in the process, and they move with little anxiety because they live without fear of disconnection.
2. Their personality is crafted to engage and enchant in order to bond and manipulate.
Some sociopaths lack impulse control and suffer from a range of addictive and self-destructive behaviors and habits.
But the ones who are able to delay gratification and play the long game are the most harmful because they are meticulous and polished. They typically make an exceptionally good first impression and come across as warm, empathetic, and even altruistic.
3. They don’t always seem genuinely honest.
A sociopath has no real sense of self, so they struggle with maintaining the impression that they create and project to the world. They are already wearing a mask, and dishonesty is another mask on top of that.
This means that when they lie, they might sound like a caricature of an honest person rather than a genuinely honest person.
For example, a sociopath might sound like a broken record and use phrases that are absolutes (e.g., “I am 100% not guilty” or “I promise I never did that”) in an attempt to sell the truth.
4. They know how to get your blood boiling.
Sociopaths know how to push the right psychological buttons to gain control in a relationship. Once they’ve achieved a degree of compliance, they’ll seek to undermine their target’s emotional stability.
This is why they love to be unpredictable (most personality disorders have this in common). Sometimes their behavior — such as running hot and cold — is due to the particular disorder. Other times, it is purely tactical.
5. Their worst tendencies quickly surface when they feel they are losing control over you.
When a sociopath finds out that you are not “obedient,” they’ll move into attack mode.
Say goodbye to the veneer of civility. They’ll hurl every accusation at you and about you to anyone who will listen — friends, neighbors family members, co-workers.
6. They display false humility.
Another giveaway is false vulnerability. Sociopaths may show “great humility” by making themselves seen meek and unassuming.
The unskilled observer may believe that this is the sociopath unmasked. Yet it’s just another mask. Again, the tip-off is that they go overboard since they have a hard time calibrating their impression management.
Unmasking personality disorders is tricky
The indicators above may be helpful, but they are hardly definitive.
If, for whatever reason, you find yourself in a relationship with a sociopath, keep these tips in mind:
- Avoid disagreeing with them publicly. This may lead to humiliation, and any word or action that causes them to feel shamed cuts very deep and can trigger severe reactions.
- Don’t call them out for being a sociopath. Slowly work to disengage yourself from the relationship.
- Having a sociopath in your life can be very challenging and feel isolating, so consider seeing a therapist or joining a support group. Having someone to talk to can be very helpful.
We can’t always change someone’s behavior, but we find ways to set boundaries and cope.
At the end of the day, regardless of one’s personality or accompanying disorder, our emotional well-being is inextricably linked with the quality of our relationships.
David J. Lieberman is a psychotherapist and the author of ”Mindreader: The New Science of Deciphering What People Really Think, What They Really Want, and Who They Really Are.” With years of research in human behavior and interpersonal relationships, David trained personnel in the U.S. military, the FBI, the CIA and the NSA.
I have not experienced this peronality type but I have seen other types such as passive aggressive, and others that don't believe anything is ever their fault. These are very difficult to deal with especially if you work with them. It can make the workplace toxic and miserable no matter how you like the other aspects of the job
I have encountered this personality type. At my job that I started 3 years ago with my best friend, we met this guy that also worked with us. We all became close and had a fun summer my first year working there. Towards the end of summer the majority of the employees went to college so we all lost in touch with one another. He didn't come back the next summer to work but he came this year. He had some personal issues within those 2 years that made him for this personality type.
I have encountered someone who very likely could have been a sociopath. I dated him as a highschooler and he did not want me to hangout with my friends anymore and even tried to isolate me from my family, especially males. There was always something wrong even if I didn't realize it or do anything wrong.
@emmamidgettiectskin-com Some who are a sociopath develop these traits over a period of time I'm sure, according to certain events in their lives or people they surround themselves with may rub off on them.
@deborahwatersiectskin-com I agree, working with someone who have these traits can be so exhausting, nothing ever seems good enough for them and you can never please them.
@karyssamarleriectskin-com I agree! My ex never took responsibility for making bad decisions. Then he would say, "Well you....." Like it was my fault he did what he did. Glad he's an ex.
Im not sure if I've come into contact with someone who is a sociopath, I may have but I tend to get gut feelings about someone. I've always been very observant of my surroundings and give people multiple chances but If I feel something is off then I listen and set boundaries and end up not conversing again with them.
@karyssamarleriectskin-com Yes, I've had a similar experience. Lost all my friends and myself, becoming someone I didn't recognize in the mirror after being in it for so long. Im working on not becoming a people pleaser all the time because that is what I've known goes well in that situation and sometimes resort back to it when someone gets in my face.
@deborahwatersiectskin-com It can make a workplace miserable. Of course you can't diagnose someone else but you can recognize certain things about them. I've had good and bad co workers before and I've managed the best of my abilities. I might be naive to think that they have something going on and they're taking it out on me rather than thinking that they have a personality disorder of some sort. But I do believe that they exist I just haven't gotten myself in a situation where I'm able to find out because I like to set boundaries especially if I have a weird feeling of something or someone.
Learning about these things is beneficial for estheticians for the safety of themselves and of the staff, safety of the client and safety of the clients in the waiting area. One of my best friends ex husbands meets this criteria and whether or not he received the diagnosis of it, it was scary for her. In the workplace, learning about this personality type is easy but dealing with this type is not. Disorders like this are protected under disability acts, however, if they are a danger to themselves or in to others in at work, then separating them from the spa is best, or else you become liable for any harm that occurs.